


DYAD Institute of Learning

by hedwxg



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Humor, F/F, Minor Character Death, Multi, Suicide, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-09 10:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11667420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedwxg/pseuds/hedwxg
Summary: Sarah Manning, a British punk teen, moves with her foster family to Canada, where she witnesses the suicide of a classmate.Content warning for suicide, self harm, and drug use. May add more later. Minor gore in chapter 3.





	1. The First Day

Ontario, Canada

Unfamiliar streets blurred by as Sarah drove her beat-up, black Suzuki down the rainy streets of a small Ontario town. Her foster brother, Felix, was perched on the back, one hand on her waist to keep himself steady and the other scrolling absently through his Twitter feed. Neither of them spoke - things had been tense between them since the move. Sarah knew that Felix blamed her for uprooting their family and sending them across the ocean, away from London. Away from his friends and their relatives, from everything that had ever been familiar.  
Sarah would be lying if she said she didn't blame herself, too.

The school loomed over them. As Sarah walked up the flight of stairs that stretched up to the door, Felix still in tow, her eyes scanned the cold, grey letters that adorned the space above the main entrance: "DYAD INSTITUTE OF LEARNING". As she walked through the door, Sarah was greeted with a strangely familiar sight - public school. It was apparently an international phenomenon. A boy with a bun and a goatee was draped over a white, uncomfortable looking chair, asleep. There was a gaggle of girls whispering and showing each other Facebook messages on their phones (who the hell used Facebook anymore?), and crowded around some poor chubby kid's locker was a group of guys, one of which had a sharpie that he was using to write "Donnie C is a fagot" on it, as he threatened to tell a teacher. Sarah watched the clamour with minimal interest, then tapped Felix's shoulder and led him to the main office.

They were greeted by a man with a telephone to his ear and another ringing beside him as he frantically scribbled something on a sheet of paper. His nametag read "Mr. Chevalier". He impatiently motioned to them that he would be a minute, and turned in his chair. Sarah looked around the stark, white office glumly. Even if the students were shit, at least the office looked half-decent. She knew that both Felix and herself were probably going to end up in the office more than once, maybe even within the first week, depending on how strict the teachers were, so they might as well get used to it. Just as she was about to give up on Mr. Chevalier, a woman with long, pale hair and a crisp, white pantsuit came up to them. 

"You must be Sarah Manning and Felix Dawkins" she said, startling them both. Sarah nodded, shaking the hand that she offered and watching Felix do the same.

"Yeah, S- our mom told us to come here for registration."

"Yes, I can get you bothset up with that. My name is Susan Duncan, I'm the principal of the DYAD Institute of Learning," 

Sarah took the stack of papers she handed her. "You can take a seat over there and fill those out, then I can get your schedules printed." She motioned at a glass table surrounded by the same white chairs that the boy had been sleeping on in the lobby. They sat across from each other and Sarah leaned across the table. 

"She's bloody posh." she whispered. Felix nodded.

"Whole school's posh. Didn't expect her to be English, too." 

"Sounds all uptown snooty, though." 

Sarah was honestly just glad that Felix was talking to her civilly again. They had always been close, and as tough as she acted, it was hard having a close friend, let alone her own brother be angry with her.  
The bell chimed - an electronic piano score over the intercom rather than the usual physical bell, she noted - and the bustle outside the hall dissipated. Mrs. Duncan came back into the room and handed them each a slip of paper.

"Here are your schedules. Would you like me to show you to your classes? The halls can get quite overwhelming when you're new." 

Sarah shook her head, as did Felix. Although she knew that her being on good terms with the principal wouldn't last long, and that she should savour it while it lasted, something about the woman in all of her stark, white glory creeped her out. Instead, she thanked her, and the two of them stepped out into the crowded, white halls.

\-----

The lunch bell was a godsend. Because they had transferred halfway through the first semester, every class had been filled with questions and legal papers and assignments that they would have to finish by the end of the year. The teachers seemed decent, although her science teacher, Mr. Leekie, kept giving her odd looks. She honestly wouldn't be surprised if the old creep was into her. As she filed into the hallway, she noticed a tall girl with a short bob pull a much shorter girl with long, brunette hair and a Harvard hoodie into a bathroom. Although it wasn't an unusual sight (honestly, she was probably just complaining about a boy, or her lipstick or something, she looked like that kind of girl), it filled Sarah with an odd feeling of dread. Her attention was pulled away quickly, however, by a shout from down the hall.

"Nice eyeliner, faggot!"

Sarah looked up to see a boy with a scar stretching across his right cheek shove Felix into a wall of lockers. The shout and the bang of his body against metal made the hallway go quiet, people beginning to gather around the scene. Sarah barely had time to think as she pushed through the crowd, elbowing and pushing as needed. She felt her fist connect hard with the boy's jaw, and he went down easy, but she grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him back up, shoving his back against the lockers next to Felix, who was straightening up and rubbing his shoulder. Sarah leaned in close to the boy's face.  
"Don't you ever lay a fucking finger on my brother again, hear me?" She felt him flinch and moved closer. "Hurt him again and you're gonna have to deal with me." She had more to say, but she felt herself being lifted off of the boy, now shaking, by the back of her jacket. She turned around to see Mr. Leekie, who was now waving the crowd of whispering kids away.

"Show's over, get to the cafeteria," he yelled. Sarah momentarily caught the eyes of a strawberry blonde, who was watching with a cold expression, although she could see that the confrontation had somewhat rattled her. She looked flustered. She also looked like a fucking priss. 

"As for you," Leekie broke her concentration. "You've got some explaining to do Ms. Manning."

"She attacked me." The boy said quickly. "She was gonna kill me."

"Bull-fucking-shite!" Felix interjected. "He was the one gonna kill me."  
Sarah nodded quickly.

"He was beating up on my Brother, Mr. Leekie."

"That's enough from all of you. Sarah, Rudy, you're both coming with me to have a chat with Ms. Duncan. Felix, go have some lunch."

Felix opened his mouth to protest but Sarah quickly shook her head. S was going to absolutely lose it if they were both in trouble on their first day. She gave him a quick wave, accepting her fate, and was more than pleased to see him mouth "thank you" as he turned to follow the few stragglers to the cafeteria.

\-----

Sarah found Felix once again on his phone in front of the school, waiting for her after her last period class. 

"You better not've skipped last period or S is gonna skin us both."

"I didn't, I swear," he groaned. "I just don't take five hours putting on my jacket."

"Didn't take it off, bonehead. Tell the truth."

He paused for a second, then sighed.

"Alright, you can't get mad, because I had a good reason."

"What's that?"

"There's this guy-"

"You and your bloody guys!" She cut him off.

"No, listen," he insisted. "He talked his buddy into letting us go to a party tomorrow night."

"Us?"

"Yeah, you're in too because neither of us can drive."

"No."

"Sarah, please?" He begged. "Don't you want me to forgive you for ruining my life with your boyfriend drama?"

"I saved your ass, I thought you already did." She turned and strated walking to her bike, knowing that if they got home early enough S wouldn't be as hard on them.

"I did. Mostly." Sarah rolled her eyes. "But to get, you know, full forgiveness, you'll drive Tony and I to this party. Plus, it'll make us both seem cool."

"I'm already cool," she told him, passing him a helmet. "I punched a guy."

"Please? I'd do it for you," he pleaded.

"Like hell you would!" She laughed.

"Fine, but don't you want to feel like the better sibling?"

Sarah started the bike and thought for a second. 

"Alright, I'll do it. But we're gonna have to sneak out, and if we get caught, I'm throwin' your ass under the bus."

Felix grinned.

"Deal."

\-----

"You punched another student on the first day of school."

Mrs. S looked defeated. Sarah actually felt bad, but she also knew she was in the right on this one. Mostly.

"What all did the school tell you?" She asked. She doubted that Mrs. S would be so upset if she knew the full story.

"Oh, they told me more than enough! That you had a disagreement with this Rudy character and you hit him."

"Woah, woah, wait," she shook her head. "That's what they told you?"

"The principal called me up and told me herself, said a teacher saw the whole ordeal," S rubbed her temples. "You couldn't have kept your head on for even a day?

"That's not what happened, though."

"Oh, then would you care to explain?" She raised her eyebrows. Sarah glanced at Felix, who stepped forward to back her up.

"It's not. He pushed me, and he was calling me a-" Felix's voice lowered. "He called me a faggot, and he said he was going to kick the gay out of me.  
"  
Sarah cringed, not having heard the last part until now.

"I know I overreacted, but I panicked, and he was so much taller than Fe, and-"  
S cut her off.

"That bitch." She glanced over at Kira, who was watching them from behind her laptop. "Sorry love, don't repeat that." She shook her head. "She never even mentioned Felix, she said that you instigated it."

"Bloody hell." She was somewhat shocked. Mrs. Duncan had seemed sweet, if a little bit prudish. 

"Alright. Sarah, we can discuss this all later, once I've made a few calls to the school," she turned to Felix. "As for you, I hope you have as good of an excuse for skipping last period on your first day. Maybe we need to have a bit of a talk about first impressions, hm?"

\-----

Sarah flopped down on her bed. She felt bad, even though she knew that S wasn't mad at her anymore. If she'd been able to keep out of trouble for one bloody day, they wouldn't have had to move in the first place. She'd be back in London with her old friends and away from the shitty crowd that she had gotten involved with. Maybe she'd still be dating Cal, her best friend, or maybe they'd still be just best friends, because dating was a trouble all on it's own.  
A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Come in." She called.

Felix entered and gave her a weak smile.

"Hey."

"Hey." She sat up.

"Can we be done with this weird silent-treatment awkward shit?" He asked after a brief pause.

Sarah nodded.

"Yeah. I'd like that."

Felix smiled, and she felt herself smile back.

"Hey, we've got to mark our territory on the new place," he grinned, pulling out a pocket knife.

She laughed. 

"Why's it always gotta be behind my bed?"

"Because you're the biggest delinquent. You punched a student."

She took the knife from his hand and carefully carved her initials into the wall. Felix shoved her over and did the same. They sat back and admired their handiwork: jagged letters reading "S.M. + F.D. forever!" Sarah laughed, and heard him laugh back.

"S is gonna kill us if she sees this."


	2. The Party

Friday Night

Sarah's LED alarm clock read 9:27. In just three minutes, Felix was going to creep into her room and the two of them were going to sneak out of her window. The fact that they had a second-story bedroom presented a small challenge, but she knew that the tree just outside of her room would be a viable means of getting down in one piece. 

9:29

Sarah began to bounce her leg. Their fifth night in the new house, the day after her (thankfully uneventful) second day of school, and she was sneaking out with her little brother to go to a party. She thankfully had a reason to stay sober, since she was driving, so at least she was less likely to do something stupid. Her door creaked softly as Felix opened it, cringing slightly at the noise. Sarah held a finger to her lips and he nodded, sliding into the room. She stood and carefully opened the window, silding one leg out, then the other, and grabbing onto the nearest branch of the tree. She shimmied down, and Felix followed. 

"Do you think we should close the window?" He whispered. Sarah shook her head.

"She's already in bed. She won't notice."

Sarah hastily attached the sidecar to her bike, then with the help of Felix wheeled it a couple of blocks away. 

"I doubt she'll be able to hear us from here" Felix whispered, still looking a bit nervous. Sarah nodded and hopped on, Felix climbing on behind her.

"You sure he's gonna fit in there?" She asked, motioning to the sidecar. "I usually only put Kira in there." Felix nodded.

"He's short."

"I thought you didn't go for short guys," Sarah chided, playfully nudging him.

"He's just a friend, Sarah," he insisted.

"Yeah? Just like Mike? And Bobby, and-"

"Just fucking drive, or I'll un-forgive you."

\-----

Felix was right- Tony was small. He was also the boy she had seen asleep on the chair at the school entrance on Thursday. 

"Hey, you made it!" He ran up to Felix and slapped him on the back, then turned to Sarah and raised an eyebrow. "And you must be Sarah," he said, walking away from Felix, who looked a bit winded, and taking her hand. "Lovely to meet you."

"Charmed," Sarah said flatly. "You get the sidecar."

\-----

The party was a lot bigger than she had expected, especially when Felix had told her that Tony was only in grade 10. The house was huge, though, and there were cars parked up and down the street to the point where they had to park a block away.

"Who the hell's throwing this party?" She turned to Tony. "The whole bloody town's here."

"Paul Dierden," he replied. "His dad's in the army and his mom's a doctor, so he's loaded. Plus he's the captain of the football team." 

Sarah nodded, impressed. 

When they walked inside, they were greeted with hordes of students of all ages dancing wildly and drinking any and all alcohol in the vicinity. Sarah was in a bit of awe- she had never been to a partly like this before, and it was a bit of a shock. She was also a bit pissed off at the fact that she couldn't drink. She turned to look at Felix, but him and Tony seemed to have already gone off somewhere, so she instead decided to strike up a conversation with a boy who seemed to be looking for someone.

"Lost your buddy?"

"Huh?" He turned around. "Oh. Yeah. Guess she found someone cooler to hang around with."

"Tough luck, I guess," Sarah shrugged. "Sarah Manning."

She held out her hand and he shook it firmly.

"Arthur Bell. Call me Art."

She chatted with Art at first about his friend, Beth, who had run off with another friend, Alison, and left him alone. He later went on to tell her, though, that she had actually come here because her boyfriend, Paul, was hosting the party, but she had seen him flirting with another girl, so she had come to talk to Art.

"Sounds complicated," Sarah said. "I try to avoid those kinds'a clusterfucks. They always find me anyway, though."

Art nodded.

"You don't know the half of it."

Sarah decided that Art had enough on his plate, so she went to dance instead. They had terrible music playing - some kind of rap-EDM shit - but she danced anyways, because she was bored and that was what all the drunk people were doing. Halfway through the third song, Sarah felt someone come up behind her. She turned around and realized that the guy didn't look half bad, so she grinned and danced a bit closer. When the fourth song started, however, he suddenly grabbed her hips and jerked her forward. He smelled like weed and beer, and Sarah quickly decided that she'd had enough.

"Hey! Hand off," she snapped, pulling away, but he moved closer. Sarah felt her heartbeat speed up. She really didn't want to have to beat this guy up, he was tall. He grabbed again at her waist and this time she smacked his hand away. He went to grab at her more forcefully when his face suddenly changed.

"Shit," he slurred, letting go of her. Sarah jumped away, glaring at him, then saw that he was running after a girl, the same one that she had seen get dragged into the girls bathroom on Thursday. "Beth! Wait, that's not- Beth, wait!"

Sarah brushed herself off. Had that been the girl Art had been telling her about? Either way, her boyfriend was a total asshole. She decided to find a bathroom instead, and wait the next few songs out. Part of her wished she could get some of the weed she'd smelled on the douchebag, but she also knew that S would blow a gasket if she smelled weed on her. She finally found the bathroom, which was locked, and knocked on the door. 

No answer.

She knocked again, and heard a shaky, fake-cheerful 'Just a second!' through the door. She waited another minute, then knocked a third time. She was about to give up when a girl with a high ponytail and pin-straight bangs opened the door quickly, almost making Sarah fall.

"Sorry!" She said quickly, hiding her face and turning to leave. Her eyes were red and puffy, and Sarah couldn't tell if she was high or crying.

"Woah, you okay?"

"Yep! Just great!" The girl darted past Sarah and down the stairs. Sarah watched her leave, then ducked into the bathroom. This party was getting to be too much, and she sort of wanted to leave. She picked up her phone to text Felix, only to find that she already had some missed messages.

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** he y thid is feilx im on tonys phobe

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** phone

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** i lefgt mine onm ybed at homw

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** abyway,you can leave withour meif yuo want ithi nk in gona stay then night:)

 **xX_SarahManning_Xx:** r u sure? how r u going to get home, and what should i tell s??

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** hahay yeah il be goos justs ay thgat i webt ti a sleepovwr or smethign

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** ican walk homr

 **xX_SarahManning_Xx:** ok. im gonna leave, but promise ull text if something goes wrong ok? and dont tell s or ill kill you

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** haaha okm and uyo dont tell her eithwr or ikl kill yuotoo!!!

 **xX_SarahManning_Xx:** ok, bye. just stay safe

 **Anthony.the.Manthony:** byyeee safrrrraaahhhhh :)

Sarah sighed and put her phone back into her pocket, then opened the door, pushing past a bleach-blonde girl singing "Party in the USA" into a hairbrush, and sliding carefully out the front door, avoiding cups of beer and groping boys. She escaped unscathed until she crashed face-first into another girl.

"Shit! Sorry- oh," she recognised the girl. "Beth, right?"

Beth stared at her blankly, and Sarah realized she had white powder under nose. Was she seriously cracked out right now? She had an odd look in her eyes, and Sarah decided that it would be best to just get out of her face.

"Sorry, got somewhere to be."  
She pushed past her, and half-jogged the block to her bike. Sarah took a final look at the party, then sighed and hopped on her bike.

\-----

As Sarah climbed through her bedroom window, she caught a glimpse of her alarm clock. It was later than she thought - 4:00am. She rubbed her eyes, no longer caring about smudging her eyeliner as it was pretty much a mess anyways. She collapsed into bed, kicking her shoes off, and without another thought, fell asleep.


	3. The Train Station

"Well look who's up," a voice from the kitchen rang out as Sarah made her way down the stairs. It was almost noon, but she still felt like it was too early. She rubbed her temples.

"Hey," she mumbled in reply.

"You two enjoy yourselves last night?"

Sarah felt her stomach drop.

"Oh yes, I'm quite aware of last night, if you were wondering."

"It was Felix's idea, I was just his ride-" she began, but S just laughed.

"Yeah, some ride! And you thought it was just a grand idea to leave your brother there with some hooligan to stumble home at six in the morning?"

Sarah paused. She didn't know what to say. God, how could she be so stupid? S wasn't done chewing her out.

"He could've been killed, you know, could've gotten in a car with a drunk driver, or been hit on the way home.

"He wanted to stay." She mumbled.

"He's 15, Sarah! You're supposed to be the older one, but you're the one putting him in dangerous situations all the time! You take him to senior parties and you give him weed, and your damn boyfriend almost killed him-"

"Vic is fucking crazy, you can't pin that shit on me!" Sarah surprised herself by yelling back. S raised an eyebrow, taking a step back. "I never asked for any of this, I never asked for him to flip out on me, I was a goddamn kid!"

"And you still are! You're still acting like one! You're never going to grow up, are you? What are you two teaching Kira, she sees you doing this shit every day, she's going to grow up to be just like you!"

Millions of thoughts raced through Sarah's head, and everything seemed to be happening at once. She paused for a minute, then blurted the first thought that came into her head.

"FUCK YOU!"

Sarah turned and ran back to her room before S could react.

"You're grounded for a week!"

"I don't give a shit!"

"Two weeks!"

Sarah slammed the door and collapsed on her bed. 

\-----

She hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until she awoke to the sound of Felix and S having their own yelling match.

"He's not a fucking hooligan, S, I love him!"

"He left you to walk home alone, drunk."

"He had to go home, his grandma was going to wake-"

"You could've died, I don't want you hanging around with boys who are going to leave you to fend for yourself drunk in an unfamiliar city."

"He didn't-"

"And does he have anything to do with the Antoinette you were sneaking around with on Thursday?"

"Don't call him that!"

"I don't care what you call him, he's a bad influence!"

Sarah put her headphone in and cranked the volume. My Chemical Romance drowned out the sounds of yelling. She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. She sat for a few minutes, until she heard her door slam open. Felix stormed into her room.

"What the FUCK did you tell her?!"

"Jesus, can you chill the fuck-"

"NO! You told her I stayed back with Tony and we were high, didn't you?!"

"No, fuck off."

"I hate you, you ruined everything! I'm not allowed to hang around Tony anymore, fuck you!"

"I said fuck off!"

"Bitch!"

"I hate you too! Fuck off!"

"You ruin everything!" He yelled, then slammed the door. Sarah put her earbuds back in and threw her pillow across the room, hitting the door.

She laid back on her bed, feeling anger and guilt writhe within her, then picked up the remaining pillow that laid beside her head, put it over her face, and screamed as loud as she could.

\-----

The ride to school on Monday was tense and silent. Felix scrolled through his phone, avoiding any unnecessary interaction with his sister, while Sarah stared straight ahead, jaw clenched. She pulled into the parking spot that was starting to become routine. Almost. It was still a different spot, in a different school, filled with different people-  
Sarah looked up and saw Felix already walking away.

“You’re welcome for the ride, asshole,” she mumbled, and continued on her way across the parking lot.

Not for the first time, Sarah found herself overcome with longing for her friends and the familiar faces of England. She missed Cal most of all, she supposed. He’d been her best friend for ages, probably since S had taken her in. Then, for a while, they had been more than friends, but that didn’t work out. Then it got awkward. Things got better though, and they were back to goofing around and spending hours together, just dicking around. Talking on the phone with him would never be the same as wandering the streets, talking about everything, no matter how deep or how stupid. She supposed, in a way, she also missed Vic. Vic the dick. He had been an asshole, he had punched her in the face, threatened to kill Felix, then tried to kill Sarah, but he had been home. He was a total shithead who she had been in love with, at one time, she supposed. She also supposed she’d never see him again, and that thought filled her with a strange melancholy. Would she ever see the old off-white bricks of her old school’s hallway, or lay out on the dying lawn of the weather-beaten school? No, because she doubted she’d ever have reason to go back.  
Sarah felt a sudden and intense hate for the clean white walls and floor-to-ceiling windows, and clean cement in place of the lawn. She hated this school because it was so different from her, and she would never fit in.   
The fucking annoying bell chimed, and Sarah sighed, shuffling into her math class and dropping her bag on the floor. The girl next to her, sporting a severe bob and even more severe heels gave her a look of disdain.  
Bitch.

Mr. Duval, the teacher, stood at the front of the room and cleared his throat. The class slowly quieted down, and he tapped his toe impatiently.

“I trust you all enjoyed your weekend, class,” he began, giving a knowing look to a girl in the back with her hood up and a mess of blonde hair covering her entire face. She was for sure stoned, Sarah thought.

“I also trust that you all completed your assigned questions amidst your good, clean fun.”

Sarah’s stomach dropped. She turned to the girl next to her, who was shuffling through her neat, white folder.

“Hey, he didn’t say we had homework, did he?”

If looks could kill, Sarah would have been dead. The girl snapped, in a hushed whisper,

“Of course you wouldn’t have been paying attention.”

She was English, too, then. Sarah rolled her eyes. Another posh, stuck-up bitch in a school full of them.

“Ms. Manning?” Sarah looked up and saw Mr. Duval was looking at her, eyebrow raised. “Have you completed your assignment?”

Sarah rubbed the back of her head.

“Uh, yeah. I… forgot it at home, though. I can get it to you-”

“Ms. Manning, I hope you understand that here at DYAD, we don’t tolerate irresponsibility. When we have deadlines to meet, we meet them, because success is the ultimate goal for all of our students,” Sarah could feel her face burning. Did he have to give her a fucking inspirational speech for not completing a fucking assignment? “...I understand that you’re new here,” He continued, “so I’m not going to hold it against you this time, but I will ask you to stay after school to complete the assignment. If this is a recurring problem, I won’t hesitate to give you detention for such a serious lack of responsibility.”

Sarah nodded, looking anywhere but at Mr. Duval or the smug girl next to her. She spent the rest of the class doodling instead of taking notes, just to spite the asshole.

\-----

The lunch bell rang, and Sarah was struck with the realization that now that Felix was pissed at her (and with his new cool friends), she had no one to sit with. Instead of committing social suicide by sitting alone in the cafeteria, she decided to wander the halls instead. The school was surprisingly peaceful when there were no giggling students and whispering cliques to avoid and get paranoid over. She thought she was alone, and put her headphones in, pulling out her phone to turn on some music. My Chemical Romance definitely seemed suitable for the mood she was in. Just as “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” started blasting on full volume, Sarah felt herself run into someone else. She looked up, and a girl with straight hair pulled up into a tight bun was staring back at her. Her eyes were wide and full of anger. Sarah recognised her right away. Beth.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t-”

“Fuck you!”

Sarah was caught off guard by that.

“What?”

“FUCK YOU!” She looked ready to cry now. “You all just want to fucking hurt me, don’t you? You think he likes you more than he likes me or something?”

Sarah blinked, trying to understand what she was saying. She was moving closer and closer, and Sarah backed up every time she took a step forward.  
Then, suddenly, her ramblings made sense.

“What, the party? That wasn’t-”

“Why can’t I have ANYTHING without people like you trying to ruin everything? Fuck you, he doesn’t love you, he loves me! He said he loved ME!”

“BACK OFF, COKEHEAD!” Sarah almost surprised herself by yelling at her and pushing her backwards. She stumbled and fell, and Sarah turned and started storming away, the paused and turned back.

“YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH SHIT, YOU KNOW!”

She started to storm away, then suddenly she felt herself start to run, then to sprint. She ran out through the main doors, a few kids huddled outside smoking giving her an odd look or a chuckle. She ran past her bike and down the street until she saw a train station. She thought about the money in her wallet left over from her job back in England. She could afford a train ticket easy. She could run. Not back home, not with the $58 she had, but she could go somewhere that wasn’t here, get a part time job, buy a place. She glanced back and saw that the school was already so far behind her that she couldn’t even see it. Then she ran.

\-----

There was a familiar drone in the train station, the sounds of idle conversation periodically drowned out by the sound of a train roaring by. Sarah walked up to the ticket booth and scanned the destinations listed on a large board. She realized that she didn’t know where she wanted to go, and she didn’t recognise any names. She finally picked at random and bought a ticket. The man at the booth gave her an odd look.

“Visiting my nan,” she mumbled, and he simply nodded and handed her the ticket.

“Have a safe ride.”

She looked at a clock hanging on a support beam and, upon seeing that she had about 15 minutes left to kill, sat down and sighed heavily.  
The trains whizzing by almost reminded her of the tube back home, but it was too grimy and unorganised here to be very nostalgic. She looked up again, and was surprised to see Beth, her hair still in a tight bun, wearing her Harvard hoodie. Sarah stood up and watched her walk up to the yellow line. She turned and faced Sarah, and she felt her stomach drop at the numb, distant look that had completely taken over the face that had been so filled with rage and hurt before.

Who had hurt her?

Sarah took a step towards her as the low rumble of a train rose behind her. Beth broke their eye contact, and, as if stepping out of the real world and into a dream, stepped forward, her body and the train meeting perfectly. The dreamlike illusion jolted to a halt as her body twisted and her neck bent and snapped grotesquely. A scream rang out across the train station and the realization that it was from her own mouth brought Sarah crashing back to reality. The train screeched to a halt and a group crowded around the bloody carnage beneath it. Sarah pushed through the crowd, and her eyes fell to a mess of black hair and blood twisted around wheels and-

“Stand back, kid,” a man grumbled as he shoved her backwards. Her eyes darted from the bloody train tracks to the mass of people beginning to swarm the scene, and she felt a tightness in her chest. Before she could even think, she dropped her ticket, which she had been crushing in her fist, turned, and ran.

\-----

The scenery blurred around her and her lungs burned between gasps for cold air and heavy sobs. She took corners without thought, and found herself lost in a maze of unfamiliar streets. Her panic rose, and she ran faster, finding herself going in circles and losing her bearings even more. She looked up, and suddenly realized the sun was beginning to descend towards the horizon. A quiet ringing snapped her partially out of her panicked trance. She collapsed against a lamp post and pulled her phone out. The first thing she noticed was that it was past 4:30. She had been AWOL for over two hours. Four, she supposed, if you counted the time she had been absent from school. The second thing she noticed was that she had 9 missed calls from S, and was being bombarded with texts from Felix.

**Xx.Felix.xX:** where the bloody hell are you?

**Xx.Felix.xX:** s is going to murder you if you ignore her calls any more

**Xx.Felix.xX:** it’s been an hour, answer one of us you twat

**Xx.Felix.xX:** holy shit please fucking answer

**Xx.Felix.xX:** i’m sorry for yelling at you just please tell us where you are

**Xx.Felix.xX:** please be ok

**Xx.Felix.xX:** sarah

**Xx.Felix.xX:** sarah

**Xx.Felix.xX:** sarah please just be ok please pick up

**xX_SarahManning_Xx:** im sorry, i didn’t hear my phone. Something really bad happened, i think i’m lost

**xX_SarahManning_Xx:** im fine though, what happened?

**Xx.Felix.xX:** HOLY SHIT THANK GOD

**Xx.Felix.xX:** s is going to call you jesus christ

_Incoming call from Mrs.S_

Sarah quickly hit “accept” and put the phone to her ear. S’ voice surprised her.

“Where in the hell were you?!” She sounded like she had been crying. Sarah was shaken - she couldn’t think of a time she had seen S cry. “We were looking all over town, there were these news reports- where are you?”

“I… I don’t know,” Sarah said softly, and looked up at a street sign. “I’m… I’m by Scarborough.”

“I’m coming to get you, do not move.” 

“I won’t. I’m by a red house.”

“Okay. Just wait there, please.”

Sarah hung up the phone and put her hands into her pockets. She was in the fucking suburbs. Hopefully S would come before the neighborhood watch came by to accuse her of some crime. The events in the hallway and in the train station played on loop over and over again, and Sarah began to feel nauseous. She sat down on the sidewalk with her back against a signpost. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, a familiar truck was pulling up in front of her. She stood up shakily, and Felix leapt out of the passenger’s side.  
He was crying.

“Fuck you, Sarah, I thought you were dead,” He sobbed, and threw his arms around her. She hugged him back, and suddenly started crying again, too. S ran around to her from the other side of the car.  
Sarah pulled away from Felix, and buried herself in S’ arms.

“S, I saw a girl kill herself, I saw her die, she looked right at me, she just- she just walked in front of the train, She didn’t-”

S held her tightly.

“We heard the news reports, they said she was a teen girl with dark hair, and then we couldn’t find you, and Kira, she said she had a bad feeling this morning, and you know how she is…”

“I’m sorry,” Sarah sobbed into her chest. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have run, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, chicken, it’s okay, I’m here now.”

Sarah looked up and saw Kira standing just outside the door of the car. She felt another wave of guilt. Even though S had only taken Kira in a couple of years ago, she seemed to just know things. And she had apparently known about this, too.  
She moved away from S and held out her arms.

“I’m sorry, Kira. I scared you, didn’t I, monkey?”

Monkey. Chicken. S’ pet names stuck, and they were a source of both affection and comfort to the whole family.

“It’s okay,” She said softly, and gently hugged Sarah back. “I thought you were gonna leave again, like when you left with Vic.”

“No,” Sarah said softly. “I’m here to stay now. We’re a family, none of us are going anywhere.”

“That’s right,” S’ voice was calmer now. Her hand was on Sarah’s shoulder. “We’re a family, and we’re facing this new town together.”

Sarah stood, and looked at Felix. He gave her a half-smile, and then wrapped her in another hug.

“This means we’re good?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling, then leaned in and whispered, “You asshole. I love you.”


	4. The Memorial

“So _I_ have to go to counselling because some other girl killed herself?”

Sarah was sitting on the living room couch, skimming over a form for the school counsellor that had come in the mail.

“Don’t think of it a punishment, Sarah. You witnessed a traumatic event, we don’t know what effect it could have on your mental health.” Mrs. S put a hand on her shoulder. “We just want to do what’s best.”

“You should be happy,” Felix added. “Now you have an excuse to not be in History every Thursday.”

“Yeah, but people are going to notice that I keep missing Thursdays and they’ll figure out where I am,” She sighed. “Not to mention I’m going to have to spend an entire hour getting interrogated about how things made me _feel_ or whatever.”

“Whatever, you still get an hour away from Nealon rambling about the Great Depression.”

Sarah rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine, though. She’s the one with problems, not me.”

“Alright, just go for four sessions, and we’ll see if you need it anymore.”

“That’s an entire fu-” Sarah remembered Kira was colouring at the table a few feet away. “An entire bloody month. That’s ages.”

“It’s only once a week,” S sat next to her and touched her wrist gently. “I just want to be sure you’re okay.”

Sarah saw that she had the same look on her face as she had had when she had picked her up from the suburban cul-de-sac she had landed on.

“Okay. One month.”

“Thank you,” S said, and her face relaxed. She stood and walked to the kitchen and began filling the kettle, then turned around. “You’re going to school tomorrow by the way.”

“I witnessed death! I think I deserve more than a day off!”

“I thought you were fine.”

Sarah faked a distraught look.

“I’m traumatised, S!”

“While you’re there, maybe you can enroll in an acting class, too.”

\-----

Although Sarah laughed off the event, walking into the school on Wednesday filled her with dread. She was no longer the new kid who punched Rudy in the face, no, that was long forgotten. Sarah Manning was now the girl who saw Beth Childs off herself. She kept her head down, and up her hood. Everywhere she went, though, whispers seemed to follow. On her journey from her locker to English class, a large crowd caught her eye. She walked to the back and looked over the shoulder of a very tall blonde in a smart looking blazer. Everyone here was too bloody posh for her to blend in. When the blonde moved, she realized it was a memorial for Beth. A framed photo of her was hanging on the wall, and a plaque with some generic poem below it. Sarah stared into the eyes of the photo for a second, then felt a wave of nausea. She remembered those same eyes, no longer smiling, but rimmed with red and devoid of any emotion turning to look at her, then turning back, and then she stepped-

Sarah quickly broke free from the crowd, and for the first time since she had come to DYAD, arrived to English class early.

\-----

Sarah awoke to the chime of the lunch bell and the shuffling of books. She looked up and rubbed her forehead. She hadn’t slept well for the past couple of nights, and it was starting to catch up to her despite the coffee and Red Bull that usually fueled her. She stood and cracked her back, then noticed the stuck-up blonde that sat next to her glaring at her.

“Picture lasts longer,” She mumbled, and the blonde, who had obviously not expected her to acknowledge her, huffed and walked out of the class, designer heels clicking obnoxiously.

Sarah grabbed her backpack, which she hadn’t even bothered to open, and followed the outpour of students. The crowd around the memorial had died down quite a bit, and Sarah took the opportunity to read the poem beneath the picture and look at the bouquet beneath it that someone had left. She thought she was alone until she heard a quiet sob from behind her. She turned around and saw two girls, one with one hell of a suburban mom haircut, and the other with the complete opposite - dreadlocks and a nose ring. Bangs-and-Ponytail was the one the sob had come from. At first she considered saying nothing and slipping away to let them have their moment, but perhaps compelled by the lack of sleep and caffeine, Sarah decided to talk to them.

“Did you know her?” She asked, trying to sound kind and approachable, and hoping to god they hadn’t seen her deck that tenth grader on her first day.  
The girl with bangs’ face turned dark.

“I was her best friend,” She said, voice slightly quivering.

“Oh… God, I’m sorry, that must be awful.” The girl with dreadlocks nodded. 

“Yeah, we were all close. Did you know her?”

Sarah hesitated.

“I… Uh, not really. I saw her… y’know,” She paused and tried to find the right word. “Jump.”

The look on Ponytail’s face turned darker.

“How do we know you didn’t push her?”

Her friend gasped.

“Alison! What are you-”

“It’s not like Beth to jump, Cosima, think about it, this… this _urban_ girl comes out of nowhere, and all of a sudden, alone in a train station-”

“Alison, this is a crime you’re accusing her of, you probably shouldn’t-”

“Why would she jump? She was going to go to Harvard, she had straight 90’s, she had so much to live for, and we don’t know this girl.”

“Okay, we should go,” Her friend, Cosima, took her by the shoulders, and started to steer her away, before looking over her shoulder and mouthing “ _Sorry_ ” to Sarah.  
Sarah just watched them go.

“ _Bitch_ ,” she mumbled under her breath.

And what the hell did _urban_ mean?

\-----

Sarah shuffled down the hall, head fuzzy with exhaustion. Felix ran up to her seemingly out of nowhere.

“You don’t need to give me a ride,” He said, grinning. “I’m hanging out with Tony, and we’re just going to walk home.”

“You better have cleared that with S first.”

“I did, I swear,” He sighed, and held up his phone as proof.

“Fine. Wear protection,” She mumbled, turning to her locker.

Felix chased after for her a couple of steps, then sighed and turned around.

Sarah rolled her eyes and continued to her locker, when she was again interrupted, this time by a redhead with hair down to her back, and a 90’s-style jumper.

“Hey, Helena, why are you ignoring me?”

Sarah blinked.

“Who?”

“You haven’t replied to my texts, I didn’t see you all day, you didn’t even say you changed your hair,” She rambled. “I was getting worried, I thought maybe something happened again-”

“Woah, slow down, I think you got the wrong person,” Sarah interjected. “I’m Sarah.”

The girl looked stunned for a second, then tilted her head.

“You… Oh,” She glanced over her shoulder. “I thought… I have to go.”

She turned and speed-walked away.

Sarah watched her leave, feeling slightly confused. It was slightly unnerving that she was getting less and less weirded out by the freaks in the school, considering she had already been accused of murder and mistaken for an entirely different person in the span of a day. She decided it would be best to just turn and walk away.


End file.
